the fuck outta here
my friend was telling me this story about how this guy caddied for bill gates and at the end of the day he was expecting a big tip but bill gates was just like “alright thanks man see ya” and the next day the guy got a call and it was like “are you so-and-so?” and he was like “yeah…” and they were like “bill gates just paid off your student loans”
"cover up more or else you’ll distract the boys"
but that is my plan
i will expose as much skin as i possibly legally can. distract the boys. boys everywhere, enticed by my skin and the tops of my boobs and my super cute butt. they will be so distracted that i will lead them, like the pied piper, to their imminent doom.
my plot to overthrow the patriarchy will be complete. hallelujah. let us rejoice. amen.
I call my local raptor whenever I need trusty childcare
YEAH, SHE’S GOOD LOOKING, I GUESS. NOT REALLY MY TYPE. I LIKE A BIGGER WINGSPAN.
THERE WE GO. PAGE 236. LOOK AT THE PLUMAGE ON THAT ONE. SWEET JESUS.
I don’t want to go back to work.
i dont want to go back to school